WALLOWING

I've been wallowing, in shock and wanting to deny my past errors and misdeeds, yet memories mock my futile attempts to hide from my shadow.   My past rises up into my present and I must admit my residence on the spectrum. For better or worse, this is me, not just ADD, but ASD...autistic. I don't know why I never connected the dots before.   Looking around my apartment and my life, it's quite evident my lifelong coping skills failed decades ago.  Somehow, I am now faced with the formidable task of reinventing and rebuilding myself and bringing order into the chaos of my life. Why do I feel like I should apologize to everyone I have ever known.   This isn't a sin... it's just the way I am wired.  Maybe I am more AI than I've imagined.  Maybe we all are.